The first in an occasional series of interviews exploring subterranean and alternative careers and lifestyles, finding the reality behind the lurid headlines.
“I don’t deal in disappointment.”
M is charming, handsome, passionate and eloquent. He’s in his sixth decade, although his graceful movements belie his age, and while his turns of phrase suggest youth, the anecdotes he tells, humorous though they be, belong to someone older. M is a drug dealer, although he prefers the term ‘facilitator.’
“I like people. I like doing favours for them. So I sell anything people want. Edibles, magic mushrooms, LSD, weed. Sometimes cocaine. Although frankly, I’d prefer people smoked crack rather than snorting cocaine. Cocaine makes you lose your sense of smell, taste and decency. Crack has been demonised, but actually, it’s purer than cocaine; a lot of the poisonous stuff has been removed, and it won’t rot your nose either.”
Picture a drug dealer, you won’t imagine anything like M. Born to a middle-class family, sent to a boarding school aged 9, he learnt to become the funny one, the class clown, as a way to deter bullies from picking on him. “Everything that happens in the outside world gets magnified in boarding school. There are no parents to care, and the teachers let the kids sort out power wrangles themselves. Try to help a bullied child, the child will be bullied all the more. Either you have to get a personality or get hard. I was a runt. I couldn’t be a thug. But I found I could always make people laugh.” This ability has got him out of several scrapes and has led to his hoping to pursue a subsidiary career in stand-up comedy.
“I want to present a one-man show called ‘I digress’. Finding the funny side has always been my coping mechanism Full names will be used to not protect the guilty!”
M began dealing at the age of 24, when he was working in Canary Wharf. “It was more a people decision than a business decision. I wanted to stop my friends being ripped off. From then until the present day, I’ve always been consistent in terms of service and quality. It’s always about the people.”
“I’ve been a taker and lover of drugs all my life, and I wouldn’t sell anything I didn’t believe in. I always check the quality of all my products personally. If anyone has any problems with anything I sell, I just replace it. It’s a relationship. And more ethical than a business deal, because it’s genuinely not all about the money. But you can’t be in control of everything all the time – how much people take, what they might mix it with, any allergies.
“It’s in no one’s interests to sell anything dodgy or poisonous. Like any business, return trade is incredibly important, and the significance of word-of-mouth recommendations is vital. I know I’d hate to spend my last £20 buying something and not getting the reaction I expected, so I don’t do it to someone else. I might make £20 but destroy my reputation in the process. That’d be daft.
“But of course, you can’t absolutely guarantee the quality of everything, because it’s being created illegally. There’s no control checks. However careful I might be, however much I trust my supply chain, I’m relying on factors I can’t control.”
M moved to a coastal town in 2013 after a spell abroad working as a DJ. He loves the area and its community.
“I’m providing a social service. A prescription, some therapy, a good talking to. People come to me with their problems all the time. And unlike the NHS, there’s seldom any waiting time. I keep regular hours, 12-10pm, and people come to see me for the social experience as much as anything else. The drugs are often secondary. The drugs can be secondary because they’re exceptional.
“Increasingly researchers are realising how micro-dosing mushrooms and LSD can really help with depression, anxiety, PTSD. Otherwise people tend to rely on alcohol, which is great in the short term but poisonous in the long term. All in a bid to silence the voice at the back of your head, constantly saying you’re worthless. We all hear that voice, but there are healthier means to silence it. And of course, alcohol leads to violence, while weed makes you a nicer person. You have five pints, you might put a bin through a shop window; five joints, you might eat a load of Crunchies, but that’s the worst that’ll happen. What do you want, shattered glass or Crunchie wrappers?
“And yet strangely the government choose to legalise stuff they can tax but won’t work, rather than substances they can’t tax and will work. Drugs are responsible for vastly less misery, ill health and mental health woes than alcohol, cigarettes, gambling. The problems they do engender tend often to be caused not by the drugs themselves, but their illegality. I haven’t the power to change that.”
But what you’re selling could be fatal, I point out.
“I don’t worry. All I can do is ensure my product is consistent. I can’t know if you’re allergic to something. I just give you what you ask for. How you choose to take it is your responsibility. Ecstasy, for example, won’t kill you. Leah Betts wasn’t killed by ecstasy, but by the seven litres of water she drank while she was taking it. She was following the advice to drink lots of water when you’re on ecstasy. But that’s only good advice if you’re dancing all night, to replace fluid, not if you’re sitting alone in a bedroom. It was miscommunication that killed her. MDMA, LSD, they won’t kill you either. If you decide you want to fly, that might kill you. Basically, it’s crucial to have sober sensible friends with you, certainly the first time you try something.”
How much can you earn as a dealer?
“Up to £10k a week when times are good. Not that much currently. If you’re offering a great service at a great price, you’re only limited by what people can afford. Not that they’ll stop smoking as the cost of living crisis bites, they’ll just get themselves into trouble trying to pay for it.”
How do you get clients?
“People always come to me, they find me. Other suppliers advertise on Instagram: I don’t bother. Word of mouth works well for me. People learn they can trust me. I’m busy when people have got money. So the run-up to Christmas is dead, but Christmas day itself is super busy. As soon as they’ve opened all their Christmas cards, shaken out the tenners, well, the shops aren’t open, are they, so they come running to me…”
Would you encourage your children to become dealers?
“Definitely. It’s a good life. And also I’d encourage them to use marijuana rather than hit the pub when they get to that age where they want to experiment with substances. It’s very human to want to blur reality a little. Do it safely.”
We talk for five hours, but there’s still so much more I want to know. He gives me a big bear hug as I leave, then another at the door.
“You should be able to live your life however you choose. Don’t you think?”
MELISSA TODD
(photos for illustrative purposes only and not necessarily representative of reality)
Like what we do? Support us and help us do more!
